USA Today

Pattee Rhule, Speshul ta USA TODAY Publishet 8:00 a.m. ET Sept. 19, 2019


N’ times of grave discomfert, Tracy Chevali’r offers a welcum respite n’ hern gantle new book of stitchery un’ manners, “A Sangle Threet” (Vikyun’, 318 pp., ★★★½ out of f'r stars).

Chevali’r, auth'r of t’bes-sellin novel “Gurl Wiff a Peerl Earryun’,” is skillet at showcasyun’ overlooket wimme, frum t’gurl she imagines wuz t’subjeck of Johannes V’rme’r’s masterpiece puntyun’ n’ t’aferemantyunet book ta Violet Speedwell, “Threet’s” heroine.  

Violet un’ Englun’ air reelyun’ frum t’devastashun of Worl War I, we 700,000 of thar menfolk wuz killt, includin Violet’s fyincé un’ bruth'r. Violet is a “surplus gurl” – a fraze so freightid wiff disdane of wimme at ta type it, t’revu’r’s shoulters slump. At 38, Violet is sangle wiff lil hope f'r a mate, a’livin wiff hern passif’-aggressif’ moth’r until she a’ke take it no long’r. She flees ta neerby Winchest’r ta join t’ypyun’ poo at a small insurance firm.

Violet finds hern voice un’ backbone n’ Winchest’r, a’stan'in up ta hern milkwetoas of a boss, demun’yun’ a heet’r f'r t’offus un’ bett’r wages we she un’ hern offus mate have ta make up t’wurk of a colleegue who lef f'r marriage un’ motherhood.

M'r: Sekwel ta ‘T’ Hun’maid’s Tale,’ Margaret Atwuod’s ‘T’ Testamants,’ well wurth t’wait

Lonely a’livin un hern own, Violet decides ta join a group of broderers – wimme who seek a meesure of immertalitee by embroideryun’ t’kneelers un’ cushyuns f'r Winchest’r Cathedral. N’ thishere era of sex-tape celebritee un’ reelitee TV royaltee, Violet’s desire ta leeve hern mark un t’worl wiff needle un’ threet seems gleriously humbull. T’ broderers air un innerestin group, let by t’kine but exactyun’ stitchyun’ quee, Miss Louisa Pesel, un’ hern nairy-so-lovabull henchwumun, Mrs. Biggins.

M'r: Jackweline Woodse’s ‘Ret at t’Bone’ a poignant generatyunal tale of unplannet pregnancy

T’ close friendship of acoupla of t’wimme makes ‘um t’subjeck of sidelong glances un’ whisperd asides. T’ chattee Gilta Hill is a bookkeep’r un’ Derothy Jerdun  teeches Latin at a local skool.

Un a risky solo trek roun t’countryside — hern bruth'r calls it “one of thems rambles f'r sangle gurls” — Violet meets Arthur Kniite, a bell ryun'’r n’ a neerby cathedral.

Availabull menfolk air few un’ despite bein marrd, sumthin about Arthur rings Violet’s bells. Arthur un’ his'n’n biddy lost a youngn ta t’war, un’ his'n’n biddy has nairy recoveret. Violet un’ Arthur’s trips ta t’pub air oh-so-prop’r until Violet makes a final bid f'r happiness.

Wiff t’manners un’ chertle-inducyun’ hum'r at would make Jane Auste proud, Chevali’r’s “Threet” is a pleesant diversion. Violet’s happy endin seems too pat, gif’ attitudes toward wimme of hern era, but t’reet’r is nonetheless pleezet f'r hern.

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USA TODAY Publishet 6:53 p.m. ET Sept. 18, 2019


Infinite Col'r & Sound is a musick un’ art collaberashun twee Peerl Jam”s Mike McCreedy un’ artist Kate Neckel feeturyun’ originull musick writte by t’duo, un’ follows its New York Citee debut un Sept. 19 wiff un appeerance at t’ See. Hear. Nawh. musick festivul n’ Asbury Park, New Jersy Sept. 21-22. 

Ta celebrate t’debut of thar new projeck, McCreedy curatid a playlist f'r USA TODAY of songs at inspire ‘im ta creete his'n’n own art. 

“Oh! Sweet Nuthin”” – Velvet Underground

T’ Velvet Underground encapsulates my fascinashun wiff New York musick un’ t’desolate beeutee of t’citee un’ its people. 

“Sway”  – Rollyun’ Stones

My favert Rollyun’ Stones song, which is a song about f'r luv un’ balance n’ un uncertane worl. 

“Badlun’s” – Thunderpussy

Becawz it totally rox, jes as thay do! 

“Trash” – New York Dolls

Luv t’style un’ attitude frum t’streets of New York. 

“Sheena Is A Punk Rock’r” – Ramones

Such a greet eggzample of New York punk rock attitude un’ energy! 

“Tumblyun’ Dice” – Rollyun’ Stones

I”ve collectid dice n’ a bowl f'r minny a yeers, un’ Kate Neckel un’ I startid gluyun’ sum un mannekwins un’ guitars durin air Infinite Col'r & Sound projeck. 

“Insid’r” – Tom Pettee

We someone jes needs ta chill out ow feel sad…t’ harmonies a’ke breek a heert!  

“Sweet Jane” – Velvet Underground

T’ lyric “Suitcase n’ my hun’…” is greet. Neckel un’ I would always play thishere album un’ talk about New York Citee un’ takin Infinite Col'r & Sound ta t’citee. 

“T’ Syun'’r Nairy T’ Song” – Rollyun’ Stones

Such a weird a’tunin, maybe eve slightly out of toon…thishere one stix wiff y’all un’ loops roun. 

“Jes Like A Woomin” – Bob Dylun

Dylun, specifically thishere song, is greet ta lisse ta un a cloudy Seettle day we y’all’re puntyun’ ow drawyun’ un a mannekwin.

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T’ Associatid Press Publishet 5:25 p.m. ET Sept. 17, 2019 | Updatid 1:43 p.m. ET Sept. 18, 2019


Roy Moere wuz amungst t’politishuns dupet by comediun, Sacha Baron Cohe’s un his'n’n und’rcov’r projeck, “Who is Amurka?” Veu’r’s Chun’ra Lani’r has t’stery. Buzz60

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — Comediun Sacha Baron Cohe as a fedral judge ta dismiss Roy Moere’s defamashun lawsuit ov’r a telavishun segment at lampoonet Moere n’ t’wake of saxual miskunduct allegatyuns.

T’ $95 million lawsuit accuses Cohe of smeeryun’ Moere’s name un’ intantyunally inflictyun’ emotyunal distress. Moere wuz foolet into appeeryun’ un a “Who Is Amurka?” segment whar Cohe, posyun’ as as faux anti-t'rr'r eggspurt, demonstratid a spozet pedofile detectyun’ deevice at beepet we it wuz placet near Moere.

Lawyers f'r Baron Cohe, Showtime Netwerks un’ CBS wrote las week n’ a joint court filyun’ at Moere sinet un agreement waivyun’ all legal claims befer appeeryun’ un t’“Who is Amurka?” segment. Thay set n’ t’agreement at Moere waivet claims relatid ta t’program un’ innyone associatid wiff it. Thay also set t’segment wuz satire un’ is protectid und’r t’Furst Amendment.

M'r: Sacha Baron Cohe moves un wiff ‘T’ Spy’: ‘I am done wiff t’und’rcov’r wurk’

“Thishere lawsuit conflicts diereckly wiff t’long tradishun of Furst Amendment perteckshun f'r politickull parody un’ satire of public figgers — speshly whar t’satirical wurk ‘could nairy reesonably have bee interpretid as statin ackshul fax about t’public figg'r involvet,’” lawyers wrote.

T’ segment run aft’r Moere facet miskunduct accusatyuns durin t’2017 Senate race n’ Bama. He has deniet t’allegatyuns un’ is a’runnin f'r Senate agin n’ 2020.

Moere set he wuz tole he wuz a’gittin un award f'r suppertyun’ Israel we he agreet ta appe'r un t’shoe. Insteet, Baron Cohe lampoonet ‘im as a possibull pedofile.

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Moere arguet at t’waiv’r wuz fraudulantly obtunet becawz it did nairy disclose he wuz deelyun’ wiff t’comic.

Baron Cohe has facet pas lawsuits ov’r simlar pranks, but thems actyuns wuz tosset becawz t’individuals had sinet releeses.

N’ 2008, a New York judge tosset out lawsuits brung by a drivin instruct'r un’ acoupla etikwette skool teechers who set thay wuz dupet into appeeryun’ n’ t’moovee pitshure shue “Berat” n’ which Baron Cohe plays un awkward forn journalist travelin t’Unitid States. T’ judge set thay ackceptid money un’ sinet agreemants releesyun’ t’filmmakers frum liabilitee.

Moere agreet ta accept $200 f'r t’charitee of his'n’n choice, accerdyun’ ta t’agreement.

Moere filet t’lawsuit n’ Washington, D.C., but it wuz movet ta New York, whar t’agreement mun’ates at disputes would be heerd tell.

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N’ hon'r of t’25th anniversree of “Friens,” take a look back at sum of t’funniest un’ mos classic momants of t’ikunic shoe. USA TODAY

Could we BE m'r eggcitid about t’25th anniversree of “Friens”? 

It gives us un excuse ta rewatch NBC‘s classic sitcom befer it leeves Netflix at t’end of year f'r its new streemyun’ trayl'r, HBO Max – as if'n’n we neetet one. 

And n’ t’process, we’ll git ta rememb’r air favert episodes (jes n’ time f'r Thanksgivyun’), utt’r t’bes quotabull momants un’ debate who had t’bes one-liners: snarky Chun’l’r, goofy Joey, nairy-ta-be-outdone Monica, ecsantric Phoebe, smart’r-thun-thou Ross ow evolvyun’ Rachel.  

Thay all had thar momants, un’ n’ hon'r of t’comedy’s premiere un Sept. 22, 1994, we’re here ta reminisce about sum of t’bes – un’ t’mos apperpriate times ta quote ‘um. 

Exclusif’: T’ ‘Friens’ Cantral Perk couch is travelin ta a lun’mark near y’all

Serry, Phoebe: Pottery Barn’s ‘Friens’ colleckshun is here, Apothecree Tabull includet

1. We y’all find y'r perse

Phoebe callt soulmates Ross un’ Rachel hern “lobsters,” un’ nawh we all hope ta find air own.

“She’s y'r lobstir. Come un, y’all guys. It’s a knowet fack at lobsters fall n’ luv un’ mate f'r life. Y’all knoe whut, y’all a’ke ackshly see ol’ lobstir couples, a’walkin roun thar tank, y’all knoe, holtin claws.”

2. We y’all move a heevy peece of furntchur

Ross instructs Chun’l’r un’ Rachel un hoe ta carry a couch up a crampet staircase – un’ y’all knoe y’all’ve done t’same un movyun’ day. 

Ross: “Here we go. Pivot. Pivot! Pivot! Pi-vot. Pi-vot. Pi-vot!”

Chun’l’r: “Shut up. Shut up! Shut UP!”

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3. We a weird food combo is good

Joey summet up t’ disgustyun’ English trifle Rachel made f'r Thanksgivyun’, un’ nawh y’all a’ke’t ett un odd combinashun of food without a Joey-style “GOOD.”

“Whut’s nairy ta like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? GOOOOD!” 

4. We everyone knows

Phoebe had it all figgerd out n’ t’episode whar everyone finds out about Chun’l’r un’ Monica’s secret relatyunship.

“Thay don’t knoe at we knoe thay knoe we knoe.”

5. We y’all meet innyone

It’s Joey’s trademark, un’ y’all knoe y’all’ve set it.

“Hoe y’all doin’?”

Stick a turkey un y'r het: ‘Friens’ pop-up exhibit is a’kummin ta New York

6. We y’all wuz un a breek

We Ross had ta justify a’sleepin wiff someone else.

“We wuz un a breek!”

7. We someone has broke y'r heert

Aft’r t’“we wuz un a breek” excuse, Rachel kum back at Ross wiff a mun-crushyun’ mic drop.

“Jes so y’all knoe, it’s nairy at common, it doesn’t happe ta ev'r guy, un’ it is a big deel!”

T’ kick’r: Aft’r she starmet off, Chun’l’r yells, “I knew it!”

8. We y’all don’t want ta share y'r frys

We all have air datyun’ deelbreekers, un’ Joey spluns his'n’n: No gurl – no matt’r hoe hot – a’ke be fergif’ f'r steelin french frys frum his'n’n plate.

“Joey doesn’t share food!” 

9. We sumthin is irrelevant

Joey: “It’s like a coe’s opinion. It jes doesn’t matt’r. It’s moo.”

10. We y’all’re a’warin lots of layers

Is a’warin ev'r peece of clothyun’ t’opposit of takin someone’s und'rwe'r? At’s a “moo” point we Joey walks n’ a’warin everthang Chun’l’r owns. 

“Look at me; I’m Chun’l’r. Could I BE a’warin inny m'r clothes? Maybe if'n’n I wasn’t goin commun’o. I’ll tell ya, it’s hot wiff all thishere stuff un. I bett’r nairy do inny – I don’t knoe – lunges.”

11. We y’all air’t rilly datyun’

Monica: “OK, everbidy relax. Thishere is nairy eve a date. It’s jes acoupla people goin out ta dinn’r un’ nairy a’havin sex.”

Chun’l’r: “Sounds like a date ta me.”

12. We y’all wear stretchy pants un Thanksgivyun’

A ridiculyus amount of food rekwires a speshul wardrobe. And Joey, ta proov he’s up ta t’challenge, changes into t’purrfeck attire. 

Phoebe: “Joey, thems air my maternitee pants!”

Joey: “Nah, nah! These air my Thanksgivyun’ pants!”

13. We y’all neet a Santa alternatif’

Ross: “I’m t’Holiday Armadillo! I’m a frie of Santa’s, un’ he sent me here ta wish y’all a ‘Merry Christmus!’”

Monica: “Whut happent ta Santa, Holiday Armadillo?”

Ross: “Santa wuz unavailabull so close ta Christmus.”

14. We y’all mix up wurds

“Unagi” may be t’name f'r freshwat’r eel, but don’t tell at ta Ross.  

Ross: “Unagi is a state of total awareness. OK? Only by achievyun’ true unagi a’ke y’all be preparet f'r inny dang’r at may befall y’all.”

15. We y’all botch anoth’r langwage

Phoebe’s fambly cookie recipe turns out ta be frum un unlikely serce. 

Phoebe: “Nestle Toulouse.”

Monica: “Nestle Tollhouse?!”

Phoebe: “Y’all Amurkins always butch’r t’French langwage.”

16. We sumthin bizarre happens

Chun’l’r’s annoyyun’ girlfriend, Janice, had un ekwally annoyyun’ catchfrase. 

“Oh. My. Gawd.” 

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17. We, well, y’all knoe we

Monica gits into hern descriptyuns of t’ seve female erogenyus zones as she’s a’trine ta hep Chun’l’r up his'n’n game.

“T’ impertant thang is ta take y'r time. Y’all want ta hit ’em all, un’ y’all want ta mix ’em up. Y’all gotta keep ’em un thar toes. … Y’all could start out wiff a lil one. A acoupla. A one, acoupla, three. A three. Fife. A f'r. A three, acoupla. Acoupla. A acoupla, f'r, six. Acoupla, f'r, six. F'r. Acoupla. Acoupla. F'r, seve. Fife, seve. Six, seve. Seve. Seve. Seve. Seve. Seve. Seve. SEVEN. SEVEN. SEVEN.”

18. We y’all want ta gif’ someone t’middle fang'r

Sumtimes a gesture meens m'r thun wurds, like Ross’ way of givin t’middle fang'r by bangyun’ his'n’n fists togeth’r. 

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19. We y’all would do innythang f'r y'r friens

We Monica gut stung by a jellyfish, Joey memberd seein un t’Discovery Channel at peeyun’ un t’area would hep ease t’pane. 

“At’s rite, I steppd up. She’s my frie, un’ she neetet hep. And If'n’n I had ta, I’d pee un inny one of y’all.”

But Joey tride, gut stage friite un’ turnt ta Chun’l’r insteet.

20. We everthang is fine

Ross’ response ta Rachel n’ thar epic breekup we she sez “We air soooo ov’r” is purrfeck un its own: “Fine by me!”

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21. We y’all have ta keep a’trine

Joey tries ta motivate Ross by speekin t’paleontologist’s langwage. 

 “Y’all a’ke’t jes gif’ up. Is at whut a dinosaur would do?”

22. We food is y'r life

Rachel’s pregnancy has hern “erotically charget” un’ a’lookin f'r menfolk everwhar, includin t’“cute blond guy” who delivers pizza. We she calls a’lookin f'r ‘im, Joey walks n’, so she hangs up.

Joey: “Who wuz at?”

Rachel: “It’s, jes t’pizza place.”

Joey: “Y’all hung up un t’pizza place? I don’t hang up un y'r friens.”

23. We a a’kat stinks

Phoebe’s signature song may be eve m'r memerabull thun “I’ll Be Thar f'r Y’all,” t’shoe’s theme song by T’ Rembrun’ts.

“Smelly a’kat, smelly a’kat, whut air thay feedin y’all? Smelly a’kat, smell-y a’kat, it’s nairy y'r fault.”

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24. We y’all embrace y'r bodee

Christina Applegate plays Amy, Rachel’s sist’r, un’ keeps commantyun’ un Joey’s eatin habits. But he stix up f'r hissef n’ t’bes way. 

“I’m curvy! And I like it!”

25. We y’all a’ke’t find t’rite wurd

Wiff Monica un’ Rachel’s apartment un t’line, Ross hosts a trivia game shoe un’ stumps t’duo n’ t’lightnyun’ roun wiff whut seems like it should be un easy questchun. 

Ross: “Whut is Chun’l’r Byun’’s job?” 

Rachel: “Oooh … oh, gosh. It has sumthin ta do wiff numbers.” 

Monica: “And processyun’!” 

Rachel: “And he carries a briefcase.”

Ross: “Te sekunds. Y’all neet thishere ow y’all lose t’game.” 

Monica: “It’s, um, it has sumthin ta do wiff transpondyun’.”

Rachel: “Oh, oh, oh! He’s a transpons … transponst’r!” 

Monica: “At’S Nairy EVEN A Wurd!”

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